


Goodbye, Nancy Drew

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Challenge: Other, Humor, M/M, None - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 03:17:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/793409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What do you say about poor, dead Cassie?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodbye, Nancy Drew

## Goodbye, Nancy Drew

by Texas Ranger

* * *

The women and men of Cascade PD's Major Crimes Unit sat around the loft, drinking beer and eating the last of a chocolate cake. 

"So, she's gone," Simon said finally. 

"She's gone," Blair agreed, sifting his fingers through Jim's hair. Jim smiled and leaned into his touch. 

"I never thought she'd go out like she did," Brown commented. 

"Really," Joel shook his head. "Got her ego caught in the zipper of her micro- skirt and strangled to death. That's rough." 

They mulled over this in silence for a moment, each contemplating life, death, and the hazards of women's fashions. 

"I'm going to be expected to say something at the funeral," Simon said finally. "Damned if I know what. Can anyone think of anything positive about Cassie?" 

Silence, even from the normally positive Blair, who was maybe thinking of the coy plays the deceased had made for his mate. 

"Well," Megan began tentatively, "her hair was really red. And..." she looked around the room for help. 

"She wasn't always annoying," Rafe continued. "I mean, there was that one time last week when she was almost bearable." 

"She was on vacation last week," Brown reminded. 

"Oh. That explains it." Rafe lapsed into silence. 

Tick...tick...tick... 

"You know what pisses me off most about her?" Jim burst out suddenly. "She was always trying to do my job, even though she wasn't a cop." 

Simon whipped out his notepad. "Always sought to expand her horizons," he wrote. "Go on." 

"I almost killed her when she went after Jim," Blair grumbled. 

"Touched emotions of others...go on." 

"She laughed at my pink fur coat," Megan scowled. 

"Always had a smile for everyone..." Simon scribbled. He looked up and grinned. "Hey, I think this is going to work! What else?" 

* * *

"There is much I can say about Cassie Wells," Simon intoned in his official captain voice, "but I'll leave you to remember her in your own way." He stepped back and gestured at the honor guard to start the salute. 

As soon as the last shot had echoed, he rounded up his crew. "Let's go. If we hurry we can make Happy Hour at Hooters." 

The detectives sat at the bar, doing a good job of hiding their grief. 

Brown stood up and held his beer aloft. "This song goes out to Cassie, wherever she may be." 

He began to sing in a fine, if a bit slurred, bass: 

Goodbye, Nancy Drew,  
Though we never liked you at all  
You had the balls to show your face  
When those around you frowned. 

Now you're naught but wormfood  
And we cried not at your grave  
You drove us fucking crazy  
When we made you do your job. 

Seems to me you lived your life  
Like a harlot in the wind  
Never knowing who to cling to  
Whether Blair or Jim. 

We're sorry we all knew you,  
'Cause you were such a bitch  
Your ego strangled you long before  
Any of the rest of us ever did. 

Goodbye Nancy Drew, from the men whose jobs you tried to do,  
Who see you as something less than sexy,  
Less than even Marilyn Manson. 

The End...rest in peace, Cassie 

* * *

End.


End file.
